


Hands Like These

by Angelkissesanddemonsblood



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Death, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2018-06-07
Packaged: 2019-05-19 12:12:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14873543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angelkissesanddemonsblood/pseuds/Angelkissesanddemonsblood
Summary: A 600 word fanfic where Sam sees Eileen again.





	Hands Like These

**Author's Note:**

> Not my longest but this is what naturally came from me today and it's the first time I've written in like a week.

The blood on his hands is undeniable. He has killed for others, but more potently and most importantly for himself. Did the monsters he killed have feelings, or families, or even lovers was all he ever asked himself after each hunt. When it was quiet, just them, the road and Guns n’ Roses in the background Sam would look at the blood there. Between his fingers, dried under each nail, like a brand he was lucky to be able to clean off. Hunter. The term could be passed off as a normal job, vampires can’t just wash away the vampire. His most hidden, numbing fear was that one day, when he was weak and broken that would be the same for him. Nothing more than a disposable monster. These were the thoughts that kept him up well into the night, after he’d washed away his demons.

The walls of the bunker were cool beneath his fingers, his form moving effortlessly through the halls. He was giant, but no more than a child to the winter air outside. The dirty clothes of the hunt were still over his shoulders, coaxing him towards the darkest parts of himself. The pieces of him that had not yet recovered from the nightmares he'd endured. There was nothing, nothing beyond the puffs of air passing his lips. Sam's eyes were distant, staring out into the pitch-black darkness that encased him. Dean was well asleep, blanket curled around his ankles. That was the last thing Sam had really looked for. Now he was just looking for  _answers_. His brain spurred to tell him what made his life more worth Charlie's, or Kevin's, or any number of the monsters that had died at his hand. 

His lips barely parted as he spoke, his hand outstretched towards nothing, "Why Eileen?"

Winchesters never talked about their tragedies, so Dean had no idea about the resentment Sam felt at the loss of Eileen. It was nothing short of his greatest shame. Heaven had no place here anymore, not in his heart. No more prayers, no more trusting fate. Team Free Will, the ones who broke every rule of life 10,000 times over yet still left others to perish. The thought for Sam wasn't when he would be a monster anymore, it was that he was, that he always would be. In the shadows was someone who knew his damaged heart all too well, not yet past the veil. She still had some unfinished business, loving Sam the way he was meant to be loved. Fully, with every inch of her, like a tidal wave of peace. Eileen crossed the quiet barrier between them. Love heated the ghostly fingers that traced down Sam's arm. 

Eileen could hear, the wish she'd had since she met Sam. All that she wanted in life was to hear the soft curve of Sam's voice. She slipped her fingers between his, "It was my time Sam."

Sam looked down, having felt the touch but not registered it. In a halo of golden light stood a soft brunette, purer than water. Three beats before Sam's heart slowed, an ache like he'd been stabbed ran through the muscles of his chest. The universe was playing a sick joke on him, placing the love of his life before him. He reached down, his fingers passing through the locks of her hair as easy as air. Eileen was here, but not really. Sam wanted to kiss her, to get his final goodbye.

Eileen smiled, "It's real Sam."

Her lips passed fondly over his cheek, warm where they pressed. Light cascaded behind her like heavenly gates, a reaper stepping out behind her, "Goodbye Sam, I love you."

The two walked back to the gate, a kiss blown from the lip.

"Goodbye Eileen, I love you."

Hazel eyes shot open wildly, swinging towards the ceiling. Hot and heavy breaths left him as he pulled himself up in bed. Alone, as always. Everyone he loved was dead. No more long winding drives with blood caked on his hands and Dean driving, Billy made sure of it. 

The day began again. 


End file.
